The important thing is not to Freak Out

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New York State taxes believe that I owe them an additional $1,000.  American Express never received my $658 payment for July. I have two holes in my mouth, think broken crowns, that coordinate nicely with the enlarged holes in my overwhelmed head.  My tidy little sum of unexpected expenses is now approaching $4,000.  Can I freak now?  Oh and my recent debt consolidation at 0% interest shows an additional $4,200 that I didn’t borrow.  This is too much for an underemployed girl who hasn’t had a proper vacation in five years.

I summon my inner goddess but she’s too busy screaming to hear me, think Edvard Munch.  I take a deep breath, from a cigarette – unfortunately – and weigh my options.  Is is time for a clean sheet of printing paper and hastily composed suicide note?  I’ve already sold my jewelry.  Dog walking?  But I’m a cat person with no boundaries.  My cats are dominant and they tell me what to do.  Though I’d lose weight walking dogs and make lots of new canine friends. Then I think of the predictions for a snowy winter.  I’m not that hardy.

I’m glad that I don’t have a BP machine handy because my pressure is escalating to dangerous levels.  Really, we weren’t designed to live with this level of stress.

I just narrowly missed out on two career opportunities.  Surely another one is just around the corner holding a tin cup with a sign, but still solidly standing.

When you feel that life has you by the throat enumerate the people, places and things for which you are grateful. Be generous and creative here.  Count your fingers and toes. Hell, count your hairs if you really need time to calm down.  Grab a cat and insist that they cuddle with you until your breathing slows.  Have them declared an emotional needs animal so that they can accompany you everywhere.  Call your last boyfriend or x-husband and tell them how well you’re doing now that they’ve vacated your life.  Take a tour of a nursing home and challenge a senior to a three legged race.  Tell them that they can use their wheelchair only if strictly medically necessary.  Ask for a refund from the well dressed man in front of the local bodega, you know the one always begging for change, the one to whom you’ve always given a dollar. Take a stroll through the local emergency room for perspective.   Write a long and rambling email to your therapist enumerating the problems that you’ve yet to address.  Ask him//her for a refund. Laugh out loud simply because. And remember that someone always has your back and you hope it’s God.

Don’t stress the small stuff.  But this seems global warming proportions huge.  I’m trying everything to supplement my income and have the sleepless nights and darkened eyes that attest to my earnestness. So when you’ve done everything that you can think of including taking a hard line with your expenses, put the cursor to rest and allow yourself some restorative sleep.  Hmm a massage would be nice, but that’s not in my budget.  Living isn’t really in my budget, but what’s a girl to do.

Okay, I am speaking with two people about jobs tomorrow.  Surely that is a good sign. Fluff up your pillows and tell yourself that you mean business.  Spray your sheets with some alluring but comforting aromatherapy that will aid the sleeping process. Turn that scream into a smile and remember that your best day, best job, greatest score could be just hours away.

Sleep well!

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