How can I be so impossibly, someone just kill me already, tired, when I’m not working?

Don’t be fooled by the moniker, unemployed.  Not working is hard work.  In fact, it’s downright exhausting.  I’ve been looking for additional work to supplement my consulting income, for one year now.  I’ve been hired then told that they had a hiring freeze.  I never learned how you can have a hiring freeze on a commission only job. But that is one of life’s mysteries that will remain unsolved, like why men are attracted to bitches or why blondes don’t really have more fun.

Last year I had more work than I could handle and more energy to meet the demands of clients all screaming for more business.  I haven’t had a break in my schedule for well – over twenty years.  Let’s just say that free time is not free and it’s not fun without money.  THere are just so many times that I can walk into the Met Museum and flourish one dollar for my entrance fee before the guy giving me the fish eye demands that I pay the suggested price.  See, it’s not so amusing finding amusement in New York when you’re worried about petty things like retirement (LOL).  I just figured they’d roll me from my desk, with my hand clenched around my i phone trying to make my next deal, right into the wooden crate that I’ve allowed for my remains.  It’s hard to get serious about retirement when you’re not working.  Retirement presumes assets, wealth management and other grown up phrases that elude my current reality.

I know it exists because my sisters’ outline their assets in the midst of remodeling and refurbishing their homes.  They’ve assured me that they have no room for me.  Thanks sis, hope I can return the favor sometime.

So I keep haunting the job sites and sending upbeat updates while camouflaging the fact that I’ve nothing new or great to report, to my contacts.  It seems that we’re in a recession, depression economy, which doesn’t respond favorably to experience, work ethics or anything else.  Is it any wonder that I’m exhausted?  Worrying tends to cut my productivity by about 50%.  But that’s not news.  Frankly there are days that I just don’t want to get out of bed, permanently.

There’s a new job trends.  It’s called commission only – nice words for a dirty business – working for free.  Everyone has a job, but it’s commission only.  Seriously?  What Romneyesque genius decided to start a trend where the people who are keeping your business well, in business, shouldn’t be paid for their time?   It’s a remarkable phenomenon and about as interested in job growth and career satisfaction as Bain Capital.  But hey, a corporate raiding parasite is running for President so maybe it’s not just me.  Maybe, just maybe, everything is as fucked as it seems.  I’d be able to deal with all of this if I wasn’t so tired.

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